Why the US dept. of Homeland Security is investigating Ravi Shastri

The first 3 days of the World cup so far (as well as the opening ceremony) have been largely predictable affairs, except for the New Zealand vs. Kenya game where New Zealand caused a major upset by skittling the 2003 semi-finalists for a meager total and then going on to polish the runs off in less than 10 overs themselves. For a side that has lost more games than it has played this year, to have such a confidence boosting victory in the first round means a lot. A slightly sterner test awaits for them in their next game against Australia. By a simple process of extrapolation, it can be argued that if Hamish Benett bowls his full quota of 10 overs, he will end up with 8-32 in that match, which makes a New Zealand victory almost a certainty. Surely, these one-sided ODI's have to end!

India and Sri Lanka both did what was expected of them by obliterating the minnows. India went so far as to try and help Bangladesh by playing Sreesanth, but even that could not stop them from scoring an 80+ run victory against the home side. Bangladesh seem to have a sure game-plan though. They are quickly taking all the pre-tournament pressure off themselves and trying to settle once again into the role of minnows before hustling their way towards a World Cup victory. If I read their strategy right, expect a 100+ run drubbing against either Ireland or the Netherlands before they pick their game up and end up winning the tournament unbeaten from that point and then winning the next 3 world cups without dropping a single game. There might still be some debate about the legitimacy of a "You just dropped the World Cup son" comment by Imrul Keyes when either Kapugedara or Angelo Matthews drops a catch at square leg while trying to celebrate (this is the part where the crystal ball gets a bit fuzzy) and Keyes then goes on to score a match winning century in the Quarter Final. It can thus be said that their World Cup campaign is off to the perfect start. From the time they put India in, only for Sehwag to blitz his way to a 175, the result was never in doubt. The gregarious Sreesanth did what he does best by providing the home side with some moments of cheer in his 5-over spell, but the writing was on the wall by then. It is interesting to note that India have never lost a World Cup when one of their batsmen has scored a 175 against a minnow nation so that must be a good sign for the tournament hosts.

Canada, of course, have no real ambition. They are only in it to click some pictures of Bangladesh and India for their flickr accounts and argue with fellow countryman Bryan Adams about what flavor of maple syrup goes better with a Kottu-roti. There are certain rumors that Canada have been specifically hired by Haroon Lorgat to lose games by such huge margins that no one argues about not including minnows in the 2015 World Cup anymore. Minor upsets like NZ victories over Kenya will be forgotten if Canada continue to play as per plan. Sri Lanka once again proved that on flat pitches and against bad opposition, there are no better looters. They hold a record for the highest ODI and T20 scores against minnows and I have already put a vast fortune of $1 on them beating that record during this World Cup. 

And finally, who can forget the opening ceremony? It captured the local flavor and the general theme of the tournament perfectly. But you had to read between the lines, of course. The boring speeches by the politicians and the overly long cultural shows represented the games including minnows during this World Cup that no one really cares about. Sonu Nigam and a local Bangladeshi woman dressed in a saree over someone like a Beyonce or Rihanna (say) represented how the ICC know exactly what the viewers don't want to see but will make no effort to do anything about it nonetheless. A performance by the 112 year-old Bryan Adams (despite being the best recorded performance by a person his age) went out to show just how the ODI format can still continue to entertain despite fears that is largely irrelevant. And a recording of the the largely un-inspiring World Cup theme song played 3 times in loop was a true representation of the lukewarm nature of a majority of the pre-quater games as well as the fact that its 3 times longer than it should be. It was all very cleverly done, it must be said. And then there was Ravi Shastri. 

While his constant mumblings of "tracer bullet" have put him on the radar of the US governments Department of Homeland security (who make it a business to make everything their business) for a while now, his accent at the World Cup opening ceremony put him firmly on the country's blacklist. Language experts analyzing his accent found traces of Egyptian, Iranian, Syrian and Cuban dialects in there somewhere without being able to trace his roots 100%. His dogs bouncer and beamer are now under a 24-hr watch and the US are showing a lot of restraint by not trying to bring democracy to his living room. How this sub-plot emerges might just be the most exciting bit about the World Cup before the Quarter finals start.

The World Cup is upon us!

And lo and behold! The World cup is here already. After 8 years! The ICC has announced after much deliberation that the 2007 World Cup did not happen. So Australia are still looking for their third consecutive title, India are yet to lose to Bangladesh in a World Cup game and Bob Woolmer is still alive. Ok none of that is true. But this time we can get it right. As long as Australia don't win again, India don't lose again to Bangladesh and Bob Woolmer does not die again, the tournament will be considered more successful than the last. Given that one of those three outcomes is extremely unlikely (Australia winning, of course), we can be sure this tournament will be a bit less of a drag than the last one. 

For those with the ability to pretend that the first month of the World Cup is of any consequence, it is a time of great excitement! Two groups of 7 each. Of which, there are 4 who have only recently figured out the difference between the meat and the handle of the bat. And of the rest, 8 will go through to the knockout phase. 8 among the 9 test playing nations and Zimbabwe. And just in case the teams don't get warmed up enough playing 6 league games before the knockouts start, there was an extra week of warm-up games. Considering that people with about the same IQ as those who approve of 7-match ODI bilateral series design the format for the World Cups, it really isn't that surprising. 

Having said all of this though, there is something about the India-Bangladesh curtain raiser that warrants special mention. No one needs any reminding of the circumstances in which India were kicked out of the WC last time round. If Bangladesh could have been considered a banana peel, India slipped on it quite spectacularly. In general, people who slip on banana peels are generally embarrassed. India took the art of banana slipping to unknown levels. By running as fast as they could (knowing that the banana peel had been put there for them), they did a somersault and landed with inch-perfect precision on the peel. And then slipped on it again while trying to get up and ripped their trousers in the process. All in all, it was a rather forgettable episode. 

If Bangladesh were at banana-peel levels of slippability then, they have attained the status of a newly waxed floor by now. Slightly harder to avoid. You have to wear the right kind of shoes and what not. They recently proved that in home conditions, an ODI victory against a fellow test nation isn't the cricket equivalent of a Haley's comet viewing anymore. They trashed fellow basement dwellers New Zealand 4-0 (and it wasn't 5-0 only because one of the matches was washed out). Certainly a team not to be taken lightly anymore. 

When asked about the challenge of facing Bangladesh, the newly anointed 'Obama of cricket' was quick to resort to the "Well of course, we will not be complacent" kind of reply that made for rather boring reading. Which is why the same question was then asked to Sehwag. If Dhoni offered a dour dead-bat, Sehwag closed his eyes, left his crease and swung wildly at it, as is his wont. He explained that he was looking forward to this "revenge" match. What a guy! Coming from the same person who had gone on to call them an "ordinary" opposition not-so-long ago, it was a typical Sehwagism, for the lack of a better term. The episode was doubly great to follow because this was the same guy who had started the procession 4 years ago by chopping a Mortaza delivery on to his stumps, resulting in a boom on the market for Sehwag-shaped flammable effigies. But now the time for talking is well and truly over as the action shifts to Mirpur for the opening game. 

The one key player whose services Bangladesh are likely to miss is that very Mortaza who had played a key part in that victory 4 years ago. Although Bangladesh have some honest seamers playing for them, they are definitely going to miss the nip with which he operated, not just in the match against India but through the rest of the tournament as well. Although their army of left-arm spinners will prove effective against teams not renowned for playing spin well (and will undoubtedly be a source of many nightmares for Kevin Pietersen), to win the World Cup, they will need to get past the subcontinental teams and that is where they might face an issue. Their bowling attack is eerily similar to India's 1970's test attack when Gavaskar and Solkar were used to take the shine off the new ball just so the real bowlers could start bowling. Having said that, after the warm-up games, India's current pace attack have not quite distinguished themselves either. However, with Zaheer Khan back and due to some more variety in the bowling attack, India are definitely the better bowling team. 

Where batting is concerned, India are the outright winners on paper but as we have seen in the past, that can count for very little. However, due to the sheer firepower at India's disposal, this could prove to be a lineup that's a bit too strong for Bangladesh to overcome. What is good to see is stability at the top of the order and the sheer brutality of Yusuf Pathan in the middle. He might be troubled by the really quick bouncer, but Bangladesh don't have anyone to test him and spinners stand as much of a chance against him as a bunch of sausages in a doghouse. 

It is very hard to imagine anything other than a comfortable Indian victory in this one. Of course, all of India want their team to not only beat Bangladesh but also make every team member run 20 rounds of the ground and do 50 push-ups for good measure. As Sehwag rightly said, this is a "revenge" match. There could have been no better game to signal the beginning of the World Cup!

A tale of two ballgames

Now I haven’t watched a cricket game live for a very, very long time. I did, however, watch as many cricket matches live growing up as I could whenever the BCCI deigned to give Bombay a game or two by taking cricket away from the big centers like Guwahati. And let me tell you this - the atmosphere at an India A vs. India B game was as sensational as it could be when the marquee players at this tournament consisted of such elite names as Gagan Khoda and Ajit Agarkar. I'm not going to complain about why the IPL was not around when I was in college and had all the time in the world and actually was in-situ, so to speak. Instead, I'll just reflect on the kind of excitement that games like those generated and even Khoda would agree that watching Sachin take on Kumble or Warne is slightly better than watching him pummel Kanitkar to all parts. So I can only imagine the kind of noise levels at the ground when this spectacle is in progress.

Contrast that to baseball. I was led into believing that baseball was a distant cousin of cricket and now that I live in the US or A, I might as well give it a chance. Which I did. And guess what - it is a distant cousin. But it's the kind of distant cousin that everyone tends to have (unless you are that distant cousin). You know, the type that grew up in a remote village where a toaster is still considered the greatest technological achievement of our times. Yes, that person. While most American sports are alive due to the marketing aspect associated with sports, baseball thrives on it more than any other. Watching a live game of baseball is about as exciting as watching the grass grow and the average American viewer relies on overpriced beer to get them through. I went to that Mecca of baseball watching - the Fenway Park to watch the Boston Red Sox take on the NY Yankees! Now that has to be a great game, correct? Unfortunately not. It's just not cricket. My memory of the game is alternating trips to the hotdog/beer stand and the restroom (the perfect cause-effect relationship). And watching other pink American males do the same without anyone really caring about what was going on in the game. The odd dog barked. And this wasn't some kind of Khoda-Agarkar contest. Jeter was leading the Yankees lineup, A-Rod was present, and Josh Beckett was pitching for the Sox. However, the average interest in the game was probably as high as it would be during the 4th day of a high scoring draw between a Vidarbha v. Tripura plate league playoff. And the end result? 1-0. I don't remember who won. And I did not remember the run being scored. I might have been watching - or maybe I was taking one of my aforementioned trips.

Moral of the story? All of those 7 people reading this post (if it's my lucky day), if you live in India - and you are geographically located anywhere close to a cricket venue, the next time a match comes along, please do watch it. Take you mother with you. Call you neighbor and ask them to bring their dog along. Maybe even your distant cousin. Because before you know it, you might be stuck watching a Yankess-Sox game at the Fenway with alternating trips to the beer stand and the rest room. So make the most of it while you can.